I am starting over.
I got through to the end of the decreases and I somehow ended up with way to many rows. I somehow must have increased too many stitches on row 11. I was happy to live with, but after "reading" my knitting thus far, I also realized my stitch count was off, leaving me with differing numbers of stitches on either side of the diagonals. That might have been okay too.
I was frustrated. It wasn't right. I know part of knitting is accepting those imperfections, but right now, for this project, it is not okay. I don't want perfection, but I do want a finished project that reflects careful attention and beauty.
Plus, I hated the yarn. Oh my. Am I yarn snob? Maybe. All I know is, the blanket I am still working on for Mara is with an absolutely beautiful yarn, a merino wool blend that feels luxurious between my fingers and moves wonderfully on my needles. I love holding this yarn. The blanket is stitched on small needles, a tiny little seed stitch that I never tire of. Knit, purl, knit , purl...
There is something to be said for seeking the best materials to work with. The acrylic yarn felt fake, plastic. And I've realized that with these materials, I put less attention and care into what I was doing.
I could write extensively on what this has taught me about real life. About prayer.
When I start my day, hurried and flustered, without the effort of prayer, I am less attentive to my children, my husband, my duties. I know I have the perfect pattern to follow, the Divine Office, the prayer of the Church that marks the hours, that keeps me from dropping stitches (so to speak). It ensures I don't add anything that shouldn't be there either. For me, that means whining or asking for things the good Lord know I do not need. Follow the pattern and the product, an authentic life of prayer and God's grace, will come together. God's mercy covers the imperfections, the dropped stitches, the odd seams.
When creating something beautiful, meant for someone we love, it is worth doing right, with the best we can offer. As I work to create a home, a life for the people I love, it is worth doing right, all the time. With God as my helper, I'm learning, even while I knit.
(I hope to catch up quickly. I have plenty of time to knit at the pool with th baby in the sling and Johnny and Aggie happily playing in the baby pool. First I need to order some yarn. Some really nice yarn.)